DoubleCollarsUp

almost christmakkah parties

2007-11-30T13:50:00.001-06:00

most good writers are on strike but since i am not i just want to mention the Unnecessary Blazer as a DON'T for this seasons holidays and parties. if you are sporting a tee, especially a faux aged tee, a blazer need not accentuate this item. leave the coat at home with your girlfriends' fadora.

Larlton

2007-11-11T10:08:00.000-06:00

our friend larlton has a real comfortable bed. it fell out of a truck and only cost 300 bones. i wish for this to be mine. all mine. insert evil laugh. hehehehehehehe.
larlton, you can sleep with lailee.

the new sound of mix 94.7

2007-10-14T20:21:00.001-05:00

why is that radio stations INSIST on referring to themselves as 'new' lightyears after they are created. houston has multiple stations that continue to promote 'the NEW sound of XXXX.1'
remarkably, the new sound is the old sound with a new catch phrase or sound affect added in.

dallas vs patriots

2007-10-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

in what was dubbed as 'the duel in dallas' two undefeated nfl teams sparred to determine who would go on with a loss on their record. call me romophobic but the dallas quarterback seemed to have a sense of cocky and i just don't think that you can act cooler than a guy who father bridget moynahan's baby and moved onto dating supermodel giselle bundchen. you can try and date an american idol turned country star carrie underwood but it's nowhere close.

almost like being a cheerleader for an arena football team trying to make the dallas cheerleaders. seems ridiculous.

celebrity phase out

2007-10-14T20:11:00.000-05:00

I think we all understand and accept that Brooke Shields was famous, but I think we can also agree that she can phase out/roll off the celebrity world. Once you are doing Colgate commercials you may just as well accept your "Dancing with the Stars" invitation as well.

who uses webdings?

2007-10-03T14:40:00.000-05:00

why are there fonts that have no relationship to any real language? WBDING is not real!

Deal Breakers

2006-11-13T17:59:00.000-06:00

The 2006 list of Deal Breakers:

1. Hemp Jewelry
2. stuffed animals
3. neck hair
4. Buck teeth or Fangs
5. sex changes that are disclosed too late!

homeless porn

2006-11-13T15:03:00.000-06:00

my friend cass, he sent me this: have you ever thought of pimping out or using homeless people who bath at the local public pool? b/c i have.

i said, no way! if i posted that on my blog i'd be shot.

he replied: no bc most homeless peeps aren't that big into the blog scene.

so i want to change that. (not the pimping idea the getting homeless peeps to blog more) they have lots of time like me. time is good for writing boring blog posts.

Kickball

2006-11-13T14:24:00.000-06:00

This saturday there was a casual group of MBA students, kegs, and the sun burning down on what should have been a v low key and relaxed kickball tournament.

Here were a few highlights:
1. The final game featured the use of the p***y word over 6 times. for kickball.

2. a scrawny mathalete threatening the life of a jacked bodybuilder after the game, i believe-i'll see you in the parking lot was thrown out.

3. a referee JEERING at an outfielder saying, yeah i know, we all know, you got a job offer. well now just stand there and relax and we'll make the calls buddy.
WHAT?!*%$##%

there were injuries of course too, i think someone broke their wrist even, but at the end of the day all that mattered was that the fight with a guy kicking up dirt did not escalate into fisticuffs during the final game. the last inning where our team came from behind, people slid for no reason and one guy did the TO dance across the plate made everything better.
i will just have to harbor my disgust at the strange kid in Cohort 4 of 2008 who taunted me with, "how is that for your ERA average" when he scored his teams only run. WHAT?

yankee gear

2006-11-13T14:19:00.000-06:00

this is not a cutting edge trend but i have been getting more and more annoyed by the amount of pink and yellow yankee hats i see, and then you see astros gear in neon colors and you start to get depressed.

why oh why do people abort the classic original colors and buy gear in the non core color scheme of their favorite team?

this is why i can't support U of Texas shirts in green with hot pink longhorns. I just can't do it.

What i can support are the Vineyard Vines Longhorn Logo ties and tote bags at our Coop. those are just damn sexy.

Jacqui Meet Jacqui

2006-11-07T14:22:00.000-06:00

Sometimes i wonder what Jacqui aged 12 would think if she met Jacqui age 27?

Sadly, i think the younger me would be a little disenchanted that i never got a red bmw convertible and that i don't buy Cap'n Crunch on a regular basis. she would probably be a little miffed that i have to have a job and that in a workplace environment i get excited if my company serves the good 'rabbit poop' ice. also she'd probably think it was lame i IM my friends sitting next to me rather than raise my chin 2 degrees to say "how was the weekend?"

I would like to offer up that jacqui aged 12 would probably think Laguna Beach is completely unstaged and totally reality. Jacqui aged 27 knows better. also Jacqui aged 27 has seen all the Friends episodes so i've got that going for me which is nice.....

bourbon is not just for breakfast anymore

2006-10-05T23:15:00.000-05:00

One thing i have learned is that bourbon is not just for breakfast. more on this later........

2006-06-27T14:42:00.000-05:00

I got hit over the head by a lighthouse today. A lighthouse? " 'Wow', that sounds like a dangerous job Jacqui," you might say. But I did. And it hurt. Some real cool guy has accented his cubicle with not only a Green Day poster but also a collection of lighthouse figurines that lines the tops of the carpeted walls.Thus creating a complete, barricaded fortress of loser-hood.
This is an area where, if you work there for any period between 5 minutes to a year, it will guarantee you won't get laid in that fiscal year. It may also interest you that this man is 43.

favorite arkansas bumper sticker: jesus is coming, look busy.

too many comments on that one.

Arkansas really is part of the union

2006-06-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

So i am in arkansas, (the state), and before u ask why- i must relate a few things first. First of all, these people can vote and everything....secondly, they ALL have some relation to wal-mart, thirdly, it is proof that what we learned in 4th grade history was definitely accurate.....

here is what i mean: hopefully via Ms. Montgomery or a teacher as awesome, you learned about spaniard explorers and invasions and wars and these were all in pretty fun places ie. vasco de gama and ponce de leon in florida or the battle of the alamo in scenic texas or the french coming to new orleans or the gold rush/exploration in cali....

but well we never learned a THING bout the wars to retake arkansas nor the inhabitants and i think i know why now...
course if the early explorers could see my sweet ass set up in embassy suites they might have changed their minds, if only for the access to the Starz channel.

What's worse than a bad set up?

2006-06-15T16:43:00.000-05:00

What is worse than a bad set up? Oh having that person then attempt to use you for a JOB.
as in, instead of paying the dry cleaning bill for spilling on your Marc Jacobs coat during the date and then rubbing the stain in, the boy then sends you his resume to forward along to your employer.

Note to self: abort.

this actually happened to Elyssa and my heart and Marc Jacobs envy go out to her. But --even she will point out didn't Marc Jacobs stop making cute clothes in 1998?

Gay is the new Straight

2006-06-14T11:25:00.000-05:00

It's true. Besides the new saying, "Chicks are the new Dudes," this phenomena of "Gay is the new Straight" is sweeping the nation. In Denver there was a slew of straight turned gay people.

Snaps to them for embracing change, yet i have trouble switching teams bc i still have certain men folk that have come into the batting order lately and i really want to see what they can do. Dallas is filled with fun characters, even in trendy golf courses or hole in the wall taverns, lots of talented kids that i am willing to bring up from the minors.

sorry that was a long post --esp when all i really wanted to do was have that title promptly displayed.

Golf lessons

2006-06-14T11:22:00.000-05:00

Taking golf lessons this weekend but not sure what to wear? I don't have spikes bc i am not good enough to play on a real course yet, and i am broke, so can i wear tennis shoes? and can i wear long shorts? Please post advice!

why i love andrew

2006-06-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

At a recent party where i clearly was overserved and under chaperoned i started texting. Of all things sent, there were a few "miss me?" or "how are things?" that i sent to some old contacts and then i stumbled upon one I sent my old college chum Andrew.
A nice, short text that read:

I love you.

Background: Andrew is a great looking, wild, athletic, fun Sigma Chi "fratastic" poster child who plays a mean game of bacci ball and croquet and he entertains everyone he meets---yet my professed love for a man with a girlfriend and whom i haven't seen in six months made a GINORMOUS lump form in the back of my throat. ahhhhhhh!!!!!!

So of course i retracted with a lame---Sorry didn't mean to send that text to THIS ANDREW--message.

only MANdrew (Mandrew for the extra manliness!) replied with:

Please don't take it back, it made my day!

and that is why i have come around, and am willing to once again profess my love for andrew john emmett! shhhhh..........don't fight it.............

23 dollars or 1 Whole Foods Meal?

2006-06-13T13:56:00.000-05:00

I have 23 dollars to last me until June 30th. Either I can buy one jicama at whole foods or enough diet coke to last me two days. i opted for a lacoste sweatband for squash games and a Mitch Hedberg CD --both with expedited shipping. obvi.

This morning was filled with calls to bank & the phrase "model of ineptitude and incompetence that makes FEMA look like a well oiled machine" may or may not have been uttered from my lips.

So in the meantime/instead of ever getting paid i will have to turn some tricks and/or live off scrambled eggs (both good for my physique!).

waitress stories

2006-06-12T13:41:00.000-05:00

was talking to a slightly acerbic waitress this past week and she was describing how 6 months ago her restaurant removed fries from the menu. Yet, people still come in and say they want a french dip with fries. She'll advise them they don't serve fries and she says without a doubt people will say, well wait up then-bc now i dont' want the french dip. like it was an order contingent upon the side. What???

then some people get aggitated and proclaim that they are frequent diners of this grill and they always come and always have fries. and that they had fries the last time they were there.
then my waitress friend gets the glee to remark snarkily, i am sorry we dont' have fries and your 2 times a year patronage really helps us the f** out. thanks.

Airline Attendants

2006-06-12T13:37:00.000-05:00

Get asked some pretty dumbsh** questions.

My favorite is when the guy next to you says he wants Dr. Pepper and the flight attendant says she is sorry but they don't have it.

Then the guy repeats his question, only VERY loudly and more aggitated-You don't have DR.PEPPER?

oh wait yeah, NOW she has friggin dr. pepper since you asked twice buddy.

MORON.

Wedding Do's and Don'ts

2006-06-12T10:58:00.000-05:00

I was just at the most unbelievably fun wedding in Menver, Colorado (denver) and it made me come up with do's and don'ts. I had a ball and i hope that my date did too but here is what i learned! PS Congrats Kristi and Eric Lamar!!! Kristi and my friend Wellesley (another recent bride)should go on record as looking like the 2 most beautiful brides i have seen in quite some time!

Do-splurge on a real airline i.e. don't book your travel on Frontier Airlines.
Don't-arrive unprepared to make a toast. I was asked to make a toast and it came as a shock. oddly enough i went with some off the cuff stories and i got much laughter and tears. It may have been a highlight for me that the bride/groom's family and random strangers came up to me for days saying my toast was the best they had heard!!! It made me wonder what i coulda done with more prep time....and not to brag but my date and our table voted mine as the best toast over the whole weekend. snaps to ME!

Do-play golf, hike, explore the city you are in. you sweat out the toxins you imbibe.
Don't-have high expectations of the breakfast bar at the Marriott Residence Inn. So not what my liver needed in the AM.

Do invite someone who is attentive and easy going, it made the whole deal way fun and my glass was always full of an alcoholic beverage!!
Don't hit on/flirt with other guys in front of your date. I forgot that rule. But I recovered nicely.

Sure signs I could never date someone...

2006-06-01T13:10:00.000-05:00

I was won over by the words, "you are too hot for business school" and decided that i had met a very wise boy. Said character invited me to lunch the next day and in between wild i banking stories and longing for a or multiple afternoon vodkas i came to the following conclusions:

while most girls probably find the following traits desirable, they are three definite strikes in my book!
1. bragging that you do not curse in front of women. sometimes we need a little edge. not a lot. but an f bomb when your team loses shows you care, and that you can deal with airlines personnel.
2. When discussing comedy (i perform stand up) and then telling me that you abhor racist humor. Um hello. Without eddie murphy doing mr. whitey where would i be? where!!! our differences make us funny, embracing these differences make us humans with hearts.
3. Advocating the girl order the size down. I debated between a cup/bowl/or boat of gumbo. Clearly on a 1st date i didn't have the guts to go Boat size but being relegated to a cup is just mean. just because someone is 5'2" doesn't mean they don't appresh a Boat Size dish!

Why I Heart Undergrad Neighbors

2006-05-17T22:09:00.000-05:00

I was tired. I barely had energy to put deodorant on after my shower. All i could think was that i needed sustenance:

But, who would brave the sunny 83 degree weather and provide this nourishment?

MY UNDERGRAD NEIGHBORS.

clutch for any lazy person, these neighbors brought over thai food for me in their token
'you are our adopted older immature friend who we secretly wish to bang' sorta way. they can deny that but they aren't writing on my blog are they? no because they ran out to get a keg!

WHO DOESN'T HEART UNDERGRAD NEIGHBORS?

Furniture Romance

2006-03-31T16:54:00.000-06:00

My buddy matt ended a date/relationship in the first 8 minutes. he knew it was over upon realization that, and this is a quote "i went into her apartment and realized i never wanted to own any of her furniture."

wow.

some would say this is harsh, controlling, or rude. NOT ME. this is the most genius thing i have ever heard. if you can judge someone based on their furniture, and let's be honest-you can. then from now on we will see match.com posting's in a whole new way. instead of thinking someone's a low-earning moron, you'll just see the futon and know.

PERFECT. matt just saved himself time and ensures his abode will never come with a circular ikea bamboo chair with an uncomfortable stained pad.

use of emoticons

2006-02-23T14:25:00.000-06:00

sadly the use of emoticons has pervaded our culture. sometimes now i think of things and wonder, what emoticon would i attach with my message.

on a recent paper i turned in the teacher handed it back and wrote TONE in the margins. did he want me to use the tounge hanging out emoticon to express my sheer joy for IT innovations? i am glad that we can't use emoticons on papers, because i would have gone with the cool smiley man in shades.

Temperature Change

2006-02-23T14:20:00.000-06:00

So today I realized why people drop out of school. Temperature change. My first class was sub-artic and then I left the building to walk thru 75 degree weather. Wierd. Then i came back to attempt studying and the 'reading room' is 99 degrees with a heat index of 118. honestly, it is humid in here. part of me is willing to drop out and pursue my studies at the school of forestry somewhere because that is why everyone looks up to forest rangers.

school resumes

2006-01-19T11:18:00.000-06:00

school has started up and i have already had emotional highs and lows.
First the highs:
i wasn't kicked out. getting kicked out would be a bit of a hurdle to enjoy school.
i had a shit load of mail when i returned from break. mail is good. even junk. because junk mail is like having the friends you don't like but they are always around as a filler.
today i spoke 2 times in class. that is a record for me.

now the lows:
O's cafeteria at bschool has not turned into something more valuable like a land fill.
I had to buy extremely expensive books that i will never even open. sad.
the two times i spoke in class the teacher gave me blank stares. sadder.

Whatever happened to the 4 food groups

2005-12-15T18:13:00.000-06:00

Why the hell were the four food groups important? and where the hell did that pyramid go?
it just faded from sight like sorority pairs of black pants. i remember learning about this exclusive four food group dealio year after year in elementary school (some did 5 some did 6 years) and then it just faded.

i think you can justify some pretty crappy foods and some stimulants by saying they contain all the four food groups.

mistakes

2005-12-14T09:17:00.000-06:00

until cellphones have breathalyzers to prevent drunk dialing we will all make mistakes. it happens.

turtlenecks and scarves

2005-12-05T17:10:00.000-06:00

Turtlenecks and scarves seem a bit redundant but if you consider the vitality of the neck i say go for it. african people with the metal coils around their neck would probably not embrace the trend but i say go for it!

discovery channel

2005-12-05T16:40:00.001-06:00

My friend Randy thinks that after watching a discover channel special, we should be more creative with prosthetic limbs. IE, if you just lose a hand, maybe don't go for a new, younger hand but rather opt for the cupholder-because everyone loves cupholders and you could get an optional koozie thrown in maybe.

discovery channel

2005-12-05T16:40:00.000-06:00

boy wedding rings

2005-12-05T16:34:00.000-06:00

My friend is making her husband wear a wedding ring.
Not that i don't love manjewlery but i asked her why she cares and she said -so that he doesn't cheat on me. now don't get me wrong, a platinum beer opener is pretty sweet. but, if that is what gets a guy to not cheat on a girl then perhaps my large "gold eagle medallion with four inset well cut diamonds" will end world hunger and create world peace.

Sweepstakes Winners

2005-12-05T16:25:00.000-06:00

A personal belief i have is that anytime there is a contest or sweepstakes the grand prize is always a Pontiac Aztec. I think that the new Honda Element may replace the Pontiac Aztec but i am not sure.

If i was to win said sweepstakes or contests I would def hope to make 2nd place because a cruise in winter would probably be cooler than an Aztec, and an Aztec would probably reduce your ability to get laid. A winter cruise no one would have to know about and they'd still have a buffet!!!

Turkey Day

2005-11-24T16:22:00.000-06:00

Turkey Day is pretty sweet because you get to eat anything you want. Right now I am helping with stuffing and searing some meat before cooking it. good times.
This is what I am thankful for:

My health and my family's health
My brother about to move out, but not too far away
Good friends, even if they are all taller than me.
Chipwiches and Pretzel Goldfish
Coke Zero and Blue Bell Low Carb Ice Cream
A pretty kick ass wife beater collection
Comedy Central's Premium blend and new comics like Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and Mike Birbiglia

Please write comments with what you are thankful for. I like the attention and I like reading bulleted lists.

Corn on the Cob

2005-11-22T09:37:00.000-06:00

My friend ******* warned me that this chump i know might have a tough time eating corn on the cob,especially after ****** punches all of said chump's teeth out. that would suck. corn on the cob is pretty good.

Guest Author Greg

2005-11-14T12:56:00.000-06:00

There is this kid at my school who only wears school t-shirts, like Coed Naked Marketing and Big Johnson’s Finance Party. Anyway, he is an entrepreneur and wants to invent a new dining experience. His idea is called “Around the World in 80 days,” a restaurant that is split in half, and every 80 days one half is a new country theme and the other is under construction. I think this is a good idea for a few reasons:
-Everybody loves watching construction while eating
-Generalist chefs that can cook every kind of food generally kick ass
-There will be no conflict when Pakistan is the food of the day and India is being constructed. Or Israel and Palestine.
All in all, I love this idea. I am investing all of my savings in this idea. People, it is the Medieval Times of a new generation. I mean, this kid, he really likes eating, and because of that, he must have good taste in food. I love this idea—I can’t wait to take my next date for Uzbekistani food with a great view of the construction of the Maldives.
-- Greg

Vhere in the Vorld is Volfe?

2005-11-14T12:32:00.000-06:00

Vhat i vonder about is not the wirgin mobile case. In fact, I don't even vonder about my vorld market share in my marketing simulation. But i do vonder about a kid that vorked on sviffer jet mops.

This post is directed at those in my awesome awesome marketing class.

Poser I go to school with..........

2005-11-10T09:42:00.000-06:00

There is a kid in my MBA program that is as creepy as transitional lenses that fade from regular to sunglasses. I won't divulge his name but he is a big fan of pleated anything and saying mean stuff. He is the kind of guy that wore a beeper in 7th grade but went to a prep school. Also, I have a feeling he would get some sort of extensive "lift system" for a truck just because he wasn't sure his truck was cool or not. That is all i have to say about him.

Blogs are good diaries. only they are public and searchable on the internet. SUCKAHS!

Ipod to Lie pod

2005-11-10T09:36:00.000-06:00

I feel bad for homeless people, sure they don't have houses and that is no fun during twisters and stuff, but also they don't have ipods. Ipods kill a buttload of time and one thing homeless people have is time.

So I have invented the liepod. Basically it is an old school tape deck BUT-here's the cool part it is connected to the cool white headphones, hence the LIEPOD. that way homeless people can FEEL cutting edge but save money for a home and stuff.

my friend got duded

2005-11-08T20:01:00.000-06:00

so my friend got duded. that's right. http://bizaar.blogspot.com/ it's true, chicks are the new dudes. we can do dude stuff now. i haven't had a chance to try any crazy stunts but i can't wait to make a guy sign a consent form before we hook up and then when he leaves ask him if he wants the video in vhs or beta. cause everyone knows it's TOTALLY rude (aka dudelike) to give someone a beta. SUCKAHS.

My visit to 3M

2005-11-04T16:41:00.000-06:00

I had to go visit 3 M for internship information and a company presentation.
I have bulleted my insights:

They can paint coating onto pipes so pipes don't rust but they can't coat an entire car because, well, they just can't.
Retired people giving tours of a company make me feel like they were in a fraternity and go back every year even though their entire pledge class is dead.

My Status in School because Secretly you care

2005-11-03T13:15:00.000-06:00

Today's status: pleasant surprise of being mediocre on Econ mid-term, 1 O's overpriced purchase of a fountain soda, learned how to draw some p values in stats-still don't know what the hell it means though.

student loans: still 18,500.

Lunch at the Kappa House

2005-11-03T12:46:00.000-06:00

It was also sad when Saab outdid Andy at the Kappa House Lunch today. I think that Andy will bounce back with new blog stories next time.